dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
