yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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