the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize