what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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