She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
