look no pants
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
