elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
