Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
