Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
did i just pee glitter
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
