the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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