Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
