it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Couch. On fire.
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