I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
