if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
