we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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