the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
