I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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