just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
