she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize