she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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