I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
birth control should be required to get into college
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
