Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
