I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
