Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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