have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
