he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
