Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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