Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
