I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
