he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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