I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
