last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
