Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
