i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize