Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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