I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
