____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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