Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
