You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
