ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
