So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dignity is for republicans.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
