I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
