i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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