New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
