would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
