Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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