It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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