she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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