Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
