Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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