i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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