i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
