I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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