what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
