Just cropdusted the office
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
