so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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