I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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