she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
