Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
