Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
