How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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