Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
