today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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