Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
