Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm gonna fight the coyote
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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