just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize