yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
