this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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